Georgia Tech Announces Plans for Freshman Hill Chair Lift

Today, Georgia Tech officially announced the construction of a new and innovative transportation system for students on campus. The early stages of construction are underway on a ski-resort style chair lift that will eliminate the need for students to ascend Freshman Hill.

Beginning at the corner of Techwood Drive and Bobby Dodd Way, Freshman Hill is a harrowing 1,056-foot long ascent, rising from an altitude of 918 feet to 974 feet above sea level at an incline angle of 5.28 degrees and reaching its zenith at Cherry Street.

“This project has been on our wish list for years,” said Fred Leaps, Director of Freshman Transportation at Georgia Tech. “For years, we debated alternative methods of traversing Freshman Hill. We looked at escalators, moving sidewalks, hot air balloon rides and even briefly entertained the idea of a human catapult. Ultimately, the ski lift design was the most attractive, practical option.”

The chair lift will be the model of comfort and efficiency in student transportation with a travel time of eight minutes, slicing an average of 11 seconds off the typical freshman’s journey up the hill. Each lift seat will be outfitted with USB ports for phone charging to allow for minimal battery loss while snapping photos for Instagram, backpack storage, two rat cap hooks, and cushioned foot rests. There are plans to improve the experience after initial construction is completed.

“Long term, we plan to build completely encased gondolas that will shield students from the elements,” said Leaps. “We’re planning on serving light refreshments during the ride up.”

Design teams were selected based on the simplicity of their models. Competing bids were submitted with scale models using common office supplies. Then, Lego models were tested to determine if the project was feasible.

The push for a non-walking option up Freshman Hill received a significant boost from Georgia Tech researcher Dr. Skye Walkless.

“My findings indicate that physical actions by the human body have become significantly more difficult for college freshman in the last 50 years,” claimed Walkless. “Students are wasting valuable time with an antiquated practice. We’ve have documented case after case of freshmen giving up during the climb.”

Georgia Tech Class of 1930 graduate George P. Burdell is funding the project. The chair lift will be named in his honor.

“Nobody has had to walk up Freshman Hill more than I,” Burdell noted in a written statement. “In the old days, it was uphill both ways with oppressive heat at the bottom and two feet of snow at the top. I thought, ‘This has got to stop.’”

The George P. Burdell Freshman Hill Chair Lift is slated to be completed ion

April 1, 2077, but the Department of Freshman Transportation is now accepting pre-orders for semester lift ticket packages.